Bit by Bit

Sometimes I find myself in a spiral of regret. After grossly violating the rules I have set aside for the smooth and meaningful running of my life. But rather than being overly obsessed with the successes, I’m learning to embrace the failures too. I’m getting to learn that they both go hand in hand. One time I’ll be a pro in this.

Once in a while, I underrate my progress. I find myself comparing myself to my peers. I visualize some who have purchased machines and built mansions. But upon getting back to my senses, I keep learning that toxic environments have been fueling this counterfeit feeling of inadequacy. Gradually, I’m getting to learn that there are gigantic leaps I have made that no ordinary human can. I’m slowly by slowly learning to forgive myself for the unreasonable expectations of others that I’ve clothed myself in.

 

Sometimes my days look gloomy and dark. They look unpromising. They’re laden with awful memories of my fiery past. During these days, I’m a master in procrastination. While I have plenty of unfinished facets to be painted, plenty of unwritten poetry in my ailing mind, the pen feels as heavy as a log. However, I’m bit by bit, getting to know how to watch out for glimmers in my way and the stars in my dark nights.

 

From time to time, I often feel a victim of village criticism and gossip- Negative descriptions of what I do and what I don’t do. But gradually, I’m learning that I’m not an ordinary mortal, and that the castles I build can’t be fathomed by ordinary eyes and lazy brains.

 

Many a times I’m held captive by the feeling that, in multiple ways, I have gone offbeat– becoming a night owl as well as getting hooked to intoxicants and social media. While I have always found myself attempting to reverse these habits, I’m gradually coming to terms with my personal evolution. Slowly by slowly, I’m learning to turn my face to the poetry and the deep meaningful reflections I’ve had while at the center of the sea of the night and in elevated mental states. Gradually, I’m getting to know that nothing needs to be corrected and that life is a journey toward our perfect configuration. I’m learning, slowly by slowly, that the urge for transformation is a mere aftermath of interacting with ignorant and uninformed conventions for decades.

 

Sometimes I wrestle with the feeling that I have been an absent father while roaming in the streets. But upon reflecting upon the mystic nature of genetics, I’m getting to know that the inbuilt compass in my son will lead him to where I desire. Bit by bit, I’m getting an affirmation, that being a product of my biological code, he undoubtedly bears an inferno of curiosity, like I do, and that one time, he will be a polymath.

© Sea-Crab Poetry.

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